Never say never.

Literally speaking, I kinda hate myself for abandoning this blog for quite some time. But blame the lousy internet connection I have installed in my house. Now, I'm using Unifi. Hopefully, it's gonna stay good. These year's holidays, was one of the best holidays ever. Well spent, and not that boring. We went to Beijing, China for 6 days. 


Basically, we went to the popular tourist spots there. Snapped photos and learned a few things about the history of Beijing. The weather was undeniably cold, windy, cold and windy. I don't know if it is just me but I was nearly carried away by the wind as it was so strong. The shopping there is also AWESOME. They have H&M and many brands that aren't available in Malaysia. ANd the pricing there is definitely much more cheaper than Malaysia so we could shop til our pockets dropped. 


After I came back, I went out a lot. Almost everyday. With friends, and family especially. My cousins and I went to Sunway Lagoon for a getaway and just to have so fun in the sun and in the water. We had fun, screaming and bullying one another. 


And now, I am back on my study desk, sitting on my chair, gazing into the sky through my window, thinking about the whole new year ahead of me. Wondering whether it's gonna be better than this year or totally the opposite. I don't feel like reminiscing right now. Let's just say, It's been a great year. And hopefully, it'll be a better year, next year. 


Pardon me for the weirdness in my writing. I actually forgot the manner in writing. lol but anyway,

HAPPY NEW YEAR PRETTY PEOPLE !

I wish for all the happy, pretty, lovely, outrageous, extravagant, awesome, happening thing in the whole wide world for myself, and everyone in the whole universe including E.T.

Much love :) 

So - L - O.

I have been such an anti-social brat lately. A part of me likes being one and a part of me hates being one. I guess everything has pro's and con's to it. So far, the holidays have been a bore to me. Other than, making some people's life a living life, this year's year end breaks aren't that bad. Or maybe the worst is yet to be seen. 

I think everybody feel weird lately. It's like this moodswing, this horrible unfortunate events are affecting everyone. It's a well-known disease actually around this time of the year. 

You know, i have this thing for swallows. Somehow they make me feel calm. 
Dad's calling. Bye.

I'm flying without wings.

How the HECK do I make these eyebags disappear ? Even if I sleep 12 hours flat, I'd still wake up in the morning looking like a racoon and as if I've worn eyeliner the day before but did not clean it up before I went to bed. Literally speaking, school holidays has already begun for me. And I'm still thinking of a productive thing to do during my break. A lot has come to mind but nothing that I fancy. If I laze around at home and be a couch potato, I'm only going to gain a few pounds, which for me is good because I am losing weight drastically. 
Okay okay, I'll keep thinking.

You can never say never.

There's this principle that I carry around no matter where I go. It's to be myself and to work hard into succeeding. And for these past few years, its clear that this principle wasn't really used and was just used as a phrase instead. I've realized many things. Like, I should never take my studies lightly. I should be more positive-minded when it comes to myself. I should be happy. I should not bother or care about the nonsense that others throw at me. Unless, they've reached a point where they'll just come straight to my face. And to just be happy.

I have one more year left in high school. And for these past four years, I must be honest, it hasn't been all that great. But, the bad moments are the moments that thought me the most. And the good moments are memories, I shall keep. I can't be more grateful to Allah, for blessing me for everything that I have and that has happened to me. I just hope, whatever happens next year, still makes me the person I am today. I can never change for people. If some think that I'm wrong and some think that I'm right, than which should I follow ? I still think it should be me that dictates the flow of my life. 

Reflecting yourself in the mirror is a good gesture. Don't just tell others to do it. We, ourselves should do it and look back to the things we have done. 

Just, don't judge. It'll get you no where.

Words won't bring me down.

I feel so relieved and happy and most of all I feel content cause I don't have to study no more for a couple of weeks. Life's been great. Dealing and coping with unfortunate events that come and go once in a while. But, speaking about life, I think exam week really did change me, A LOT. I am now so engrossed in trying to succeed in life but hey, that's a good thing right, so for that I am blessed. 

So many things have happened lately and I can tell people are starting to feel so bored with my rantings about life, life and life. Quite frankly, I myself am bored and just so sick and tired of it in fact. Everything's a mess and Alia's so right, its only the beginning of November yet its so clear that its gonna be one hell of a month. So perhaps, dissociating myself for a period of time seems to sound like the best thing to do. 

Friends, family, what do you know huh ? Sometimes, the ones you count on the most, are the ones that's just gonna hurt you. Doesn't matter if you have a big family what not, things can just go wrong when there are irresponsible people in it. Everything can just flip over in split seconds. Even the ones you don't expect can do things unexpectedly. Even family, yeap even family. Sickening, just sickening. Alhamdulillah I've got Ma, Bah, Along, a few cousins and my closed friends with me. Other than that, may Allah bless you people. 

You know, this post is already a mess cause I keep jumping from one end to another so heck, I'm just gonna write whatever I want. Sometimes, people just don't know the meaning of 'certain' words yet, they just say it outwardly without thinking and they act as if they're all that. As if they know everything about you when they don't. They think they're so right when obviously they are so wrong. They say bad things about a person without even knowing the whole story. They create stories to make others look bad. They misjudge people's good intentions. They make themselves look like they're the hero/heroine. They judge based on the story they've heard only once and automatically, you get into their bad books. They say you're all that whatever shiz like they know everything. They talk about status, and stuff that doesn't even matter. But only, matter to them maybe. They think they are so right when obviously they are so wrong. They get jealous over things. They get hurt so easily. And everything is other people's fault, never theirs. They make up stories. They tell others every single thing that they know and don't know and the other party makes up stories that never even existed. They make false accusations just so that person will look bad and stupid. They even publicise their accusations.

Isn't it a waste of time to live a life filled with hatred in you ? Don't you feel bad with yourself ?  Don't you know you can never judge a book by its cover ?

And it sickens me the most when these issues happens amongst the people that I know. I may be young and you can say, I haven't tasted enough salt to talk about all this. You can even say I'm stupid for saying these. In fact, you can say All you want, I couldn't care less. Because, I know Allah knows it all. And at least, I'm mature enough to see what's right and what's wrong.

Somehow, I'm glad things turned out this way. At least, I got the picture of how unexpected people can be.

I don't wanna close my eyes.

BREAK'S OVER !

I don't wanna go back to facing reality. 

I don't wanna go back to school. 

I don't wanna say goodbye to my bed, my house and my holiday life. 

But, I have too.

A damsel in distress.

Syawal has left us. But still, I have two more houses to go too. All in all, it's been a great month. Though, many many things have happened. Some were nasty some were happy things. I am glad I went through all of it. I got to know people's true colors. And I figured out the answers to the toughest questions in life. I may not be the smarty pants in school, I may not be Miss-Know-It-All, I may not win in everything, I may not be right in everything, I may not have the best words but at least, I have learned a lot in life and I am much mature in all aspects. And I have more pride and dignity and I have a big heart to top it all. I've forgiven things and I have gotten over things. A lot of things. Like what Kak billa wrote in her blog, I'm a little something, unlike you. 


I understand the meaning of changes. I understand the meaning of changing. I understanding the meaning of many words associated with life. But I don't understand the meaning of hurting others. Be it when it comes to family, friends, even outsiders. Why must people hurt other people ? I was once so close to some people, but things changed, we drifted apart, and we are no longer the people we used to be. At least, I thought I was still who I was before, but things still changed. I admit, I've made many many mistakes, uncountable mistakes. I know and I am aware of it. But I guess, no matter how hard I try making things to work out, things will still turn ugly in the end. So, I've stopped trying and I no longer want to try. I've given up and I just don't care anymore. No more trying and no more crying.


I think, I've found the happiness I want and the happiness that I need in life. I don't think I need to go back to the place I was before to be happy. I think I can be happy just the way I am now. This is the weird thing in life. Even if you feel so shitty, like you just wanna die and go far far away, at the end of everything, if you have the right people around you, you will always go back to normal again, you will always feel happy again. Believing in Allah is important. It's the number one key to being happy. Believing that you have your family around you all the time is important too, it's the second thing you'll always have to remember. Trusting them is compulsory because they will feel your trust too. Believing in yourself is a must. I can't explain but it's just a must. We are who we are. Forever, and always.