a secret potion

There are times where I just feel like I just need a bright lucky star. Seriously.

Sometimes everything we want and need(family and friends) are always there with us, but sometimes.. We just tend to feel like some things are meant to be told and spoken to someone else. If you know what I mean. And I wish there was even one lucky star out there that could be trusted or even be kept for real. It takes time to find a true star. And waiting needs patience. If it was meant to be, it was meant to be. If it wasn't then, it wasn't meant to be after all.

I don't really feel like getting out of this house any time soon.

Perhaps, i should be as quiet as possible for a while. I need some time on my own. I need to think properly on the possible steps I want to take for the sake of my future. Significant baby steps.

I hate my phone right now.

It's acting like a psychopath. And it switches on and off all by itself. And it just goes haywire anytime it wants too. And it loves saying "simcard unable to read". And it loves running away from me. And it just won't stop vibrating though no one called me or text me that day.

I envy those who write very well.

I've stopped my reading for a very very long time. And I miss it terribly. And that is also why my vocab is getting pretty bad. But it's okay. I'll read more later.

I secretly wish I could direct a movie.

Where the movie mainly dwells about true life about student these days. That would be fun. And most of all, it won't be the same old chick flick we always watch. Not that I hate chick flicks, I love them really. Haha.

I am quite confused at this moment.

With the stream that I'm going to pick later on. I want two things. I want to learn biology so that means i have to be in science stream cause Growing up, I've always wanted to be a doctor. But, as days go by and I've outgrown myself and looking at people's jobs and everything, I feel like I want to be a broadcast journalist. And it keeps on changing. I can never stick with one that I love the most. Maybe not yet. But time's running out. Before I know it, it'll be December and It's just a month away from a brand new year.

I have this crazy crush on Robert Pattinson.

Ever since I saw him in Harry Potter. And I just can't stop loving him. Let alone think about him. I even want a boyfriend that's just like him. Okay, not true.

I do hope too once in a while.

Okay, not true again. I hope a lot a lot. I hope that my years in high school won't be filled with Dramas. Cause really, I am just so sick and tired of dramas. It's never ending. And I loath dramas. But I cannot deny the fact that being a drama queen is fun. Especially at home.

I have a secret obsession with rain.

I love it when it rains. Please. Do not ask me why. Because, I can never seem to find the answer. I can only say, I just love rain. Especially the sound of rain.And best of all, it's the best weather to sleep in.

And that's just about it.

it's a matter of time

Hi. I forgot to mention earlier on that I changed my url. Due to reasons like my url is just so very hard to memorise as the a's and r's are just too many in it. And because I myself think my previous url was just too girlish and that it did not reflect my personality. So with the help of my dear dear friend, *drum rolls* SYAKILA she created this cool url wish sort of relects me. And for that thank you very much. I've ran out of ideas actually. Nothing came to my mind except for a few such as 'imasoreloser', 'paisleyflipflops' and 'lovelettersonturtledoves' which I find so annoying and cliche. And I think, this url is permanent. For now.

this is the last time

Hi.
Give me a second.
I'm thinking of what to write.
Still thinking ...
I'm wasting my time.


Oh.


PS. Please Don't Go. So. Stay.

a lot like love

Hi. Tuition was fun as always today. It's been quite hectic these past few weeks. I'm facing pmr, so that's just how it is. Despite all the fuss I've been through, problems with studies and such my sleep has been more than enough. I sleep more than 7 hours a day. Isn't that just great ? My eyebags are getting pretty better. The greatest achievement so far. Haha. And i think, I just made myself a new best friend. My super fabulous pencils and pens. I use it like everyday, day and night. Actually, it's just a statement to prove that I study a lot lately. Oh, and i want a pet. Really, this house is getting pretty boring and I have no one to talk with. So, bah, I want a cat or a bunny or anything. I just want a pet. I promise to love and care it with all my might. And i will also feed it with sardines and cat food if you were to get me a cat and I would feed it with carrots and bunny food if you were to get me a bunny. Not to forget, I will also clean its poopies and everything.

Have you ever felt butterflies flying away in your tummies. And you just feel this kind off feeling where you can't seem to interpret how you actually feel about something but these butterflies in your tummy, it just won't go away and you feel like giggling and laughing and you even feel like crying. It's a mix of each emotion ever to exist on Earth. I feel that a lot lately. And i don't know if its supposed to be something good or is it something plain bad ? I don't know. I just don't know. But I do like it when I feel that way. Somehow, I feel calm and relax when I'm in that particular emotion.

So, my advise is. Please always filll your tummies with butterflies at all times. And that was a brilliant suggestion brought to you exclusively by Farah Nk.

: )

that rockin chick

Hi. I was just browsing through my previous posts. And to celebrate my 58th post, I would like to officially state here that I am turning over a new leaf. A brand new spankin' new leaf. But I shall not delete all my previous posts like i did before. Life is to great to waste each minute in it ey ? So, I'm learning to appreciate what I have right now. And yes, I know I shouldn't be blogging right now. I still have three papers to go. But it just feels right to write today. The weather is perfect. It's raining outside and it just seems to reflect my mood.

--------------------------------------

I see pretty rainbows everywhere I go. I kept thinking, what in heavens world does this all mean but I can never seem to find the significant answer to my question. Til it came to a point where I felt everything was wrong. Nothing felt right. Then it turned pitch black everywhere. I thought I was lost. To the extend where I felt I just wasn't able to breath and it was as if there was this big giant rock slamming right on my head. Then I saw this bright light that came shining through out of nowhere. I approached it. I tried my very best to move towards the light though I was in pain. Then I pulled through, I came near the light. It was beautiful there. Full of colors and a magnificent view. I woke up out of the blue, dazzled and mesmerized by that dream that I just got. And it occurred to me. Why should I worry about things that might not even happen to me in the future ? Why should I get so paranoid over the littlest issue ? Why should I be sad ? I don't deserve all this. I deserve respect and I deserve to get the happiness and fun that every fifteen year old would and could feel right now. I'm blessed with the most amazing family ever. And I can't deny I do have wonderful friends around me. Whom I love to the littlest bits. That was when I just felt that I should just flip open a new page and start fresh, like I always do but for real this time. What have I got to lose ? Nothing, absolutely nothing at all. And in the end, I think I'll still get my own pretty rainbow too.

give me a reason to stay

Hi. Okay, okay, okay. I know, i know. I should spend every minute that i have left, studying and revising whatever i still can. I just need a time out. Im so tired, actually. So, it's time for me to unwind. So, school was 'interesting' and a lil boring too. Alhamdulillah, my place for pmr is in the school hall which is awesome cause its cold there plus the weather is irrevocably hot this days but oh well, wherever the exam's gonna be.. It doesn't really matter, just as long as i get to complete my pmr. And continue my journey being a form three student. I also can't help but to give a million thanks to everyone that has been brainwashing and planting good tips and splendid ideas on how to overcome fear and also on how to gain my confidence level into my brain. I can say, it works and 90% of what they say is true.

Come to think of it, life without bondaries and obstacles won't be as good as it is now. I mean, true, when problems come, it can give us a pain in the butt but just try looking at it from a brighter view. Life has just so much to offer so think of it positively. All in all, I think, i have changed a lot too. I can't help but to thank my dearest mum, family and friends for that. Compromise is also the key to making good changes. So atleast, that's what i think it is, for now. During Raya, i've been moving around a lot so i've been meeting a lot of people lately. It was great meeting relatives living far away and it was tiring, can't deny that. And wonderful thing is, people keep saying that i'm tall. Haha, when actually, i am not. I'm only like what, four feet or less maybe, i don't know. And they keep saying, its okay eat more calcium, you just need to grow a little bit higher, than you'll be fine. Funny kan ? But really, it made my day a whole lot better. Maybe, i did grow a few inches taller. Or maybe it's just an optical illusion ? Or maybe, it is true ? Hah, who knows ?

So,
Put all excuses aside,
YOU are capable.

i run out of words to say when i see you

Hi. Firstly, you really did caught me off-guard. Making me run in circles like i'm some kind of a maniac when really, i am not one. Truth be told, i really don't know how to differenciate, What's right and What's wrong. I am even clueless when it comes to making perfect sense out of my words. I jumble up my words a lot. And even my behaviour and emotions go haywire plus the fact that i'll just end my phrases abruptly. I thought, i'm serious i really thought all this was true and not just something that made no sense at all. But then, day by day, your actions are just plain weird and different and that makes it hard for me to comprehend your actions and words. In short, i am very very confused. But at the same time You just dazzle me everytime i see you. What's all this ? Each and every person that i'm close to, tells me that this ain't a dream, it's bittersweet reality and i dont have to worry. How can i not worry when everytime i think of it, i'm always at wits end. I can even cry in the middle of the night like some mad cow. That's how crucial things are now. I just need a sign. People say i shouldn't give up and frankly, i myself don't want too but come to think of it, maybe, its for the best. I'm tired of experimenting my emotions again. Once was more than enough. That once changed me and everything that has got to do with me. So no more.

Phheeewww.
Finally, i get to write. It's nothing, nothing at all. I was just imagining and picturing life from a different view. Painful yet it still is life. I'm under pmr pressure right now. Get so tied up a lot lately. I won't be updating anymore til the thirteenth. Goodluck PMR candidates.