in the end, it doesn't even matter

Holidays have just begun. I must say, it's a good thing. I get to study my butt out. And i get to rejuvenate at the same time. It has been really fun. Mama took a few days off. Spent every moment i had with my family which was fun and really great. Been spending my time studying too. I think i'm gonna post a few random things about me or whatever i can think of right now.

I can be clumsy. But still, i make sure my place or my area is neat at ALL times.
I am picky. Whenever it comes to food and buying clothes.
I can consider myself a shopaholic. When i have money that is.
When i don't, i just window shop. That's more than enough to make my day.
I am short. Surprisingly, i just realised that.
I promise never to do any new year resolutions ever again. I never follow or accomplish them by the end of every year.
I love to read. But i've stopped reading for quite some time now. Look where it got me.
I used to love the color pink so much that everything has to be in pink.
But that was years ago. I go for any color. Which ever that looks good on me.
I always sleep late but i can never seem to wake up late. I'll always wake up early. That explains the eyebags.
I don't give up easily. I am no quitter.
I am addicted to Facebook. Oh well, who cares ?
I am talkative. Very talkative. But i am shy deep within me.
I have ambitions. Too many that i get sick whenever i think about it.
I love rain. Somehow, it completes my day.
I love to write.
I am unstable. I can just wobble and trip or fall while i'm walking.

I love making new friends.
I easily get bored but i always find something beneficial to do.
I find sweet talkers sweet and adorable but i despise them a lot.
I don't really know who to trust in my life. So, i only trust my loved ones(familia).
I don't really mind with what people has got to say about me. I just keep quiet when they do. They have the right to do so anyway.
I don't hold grudges. What good does it even make ?
I think i have changed in some way or another. And i like what i've become.
I am still the ol' sensitive me. But i only get sensitive when i need to.
No one knows me well enough to judge me. No one will. That's simply because i'm hard to read and so much harder to understand. But i am never complicated. Neither am i complex. I just love twisting my words and turning it topsy turvy. haha : )
But..
At the end of everything..

I am who i am no matter what. So for that, no one can change me.

Ever.

someone special who could it be

There is this someone in my life.
That has always played a big role in my life.
Taught me how to walk, how to talk, good manners.
And everything else.
This someone used to be really strict.
But as the years went by, this someone changed a lot.
This someone is always fair and is always kind.
This someone was always been there for me whenever i needed a shoulder to cry on.
Even when i needed someone to talk to.
Or at any time this someone would always be there.
We would talk about everything.
The world, life even love.
This someone has never abandoned me.
No matter how bad i am.
Even when i am at my worst.
This someone taught me many things.
More than a teacher could offer.
More than anyone could offer.
This someone is my everything.
Nobody can ever replace this someone of mine.
No, this special very special someone of mine.
And.
This special someone is my mother.
Someone who brought me into this world.
Taught me everything i needed to know.
We always argue.
But we will just laugh about it in the end.
And so the story goes..
And i will love her til the end.
Even after the end too.

p.s : i am okay

If i was given the chance to redo my history paper, i think i would have done so much better. Not only my history paper, all the other papers too. If only, i have studied hard enough for my trials. But whats done is done. I cannot turn back time. The only thing that can be done is to just move forward. And not backwards. I've been getting a lot of advices from people around me lately. And really, i am thankful for all the advices. Really. Those advices are keeping me motivated. I have got no time to waste now. Every minute of everyday counts. And it has to be spent wisely.

School is full of boredom. Lesser people go to school everyday. Including me. But, i've spent those boring moments studying. I am not a study freak. I'm just occupying my time doing useful things.

To everyone that has helped me a lot, i don't need to say out your names, i know you know who you are. Thank you for all the advices. And thank you for everything.

I'm happy to say i'm back on track. No more unwanted pressures by people anymore. I'm in my happy place, and i'm at home. And i'm okay.

Selamat berpuasa !

Loves.

new divide

First and foremost, this will be last post for a while before my mind is back on track and my feet is back on the ground. I am devastated. My trial results was worse than what i expected. Terrible and i can say a disgrace. I broke down when my teacher personally told me my results as she herself was shocked and upset about it. I was stunt, and i was in disbelief. I couldn't think straight. I just sat and started crying at that very moment. She tried to pacify me. I was so shocked i felt my mind making its own havoc inside my head. I called mama. She was very upset but she remained calm and she kept persuading me. She told me i still have time and such. I love both my parents very much. They're the best and i am blessed. My teacher told me that 'failure is the key to success'. I'll try my very best. If i put in a lot of effort i know i'll be able to succeed. Anyway, if there is a will there is always a willy way right. Ill try. I'm the one who's gonna lose in the end if i don't try my very best. Life is like walking in a battlefield.

no surprise

I would like to make a statement.

Facebook is totally ADDICTIVE !

Should have known better. Should have realized it before i got addicted to it.

give up the fight

I was browsing through my cousin, Teha's blog a minute ago. And i saw one of her recent post about the late Yasmin Ahmad and how us, Malaysians absorb her kind of movies and malay movies we, Malaysians usually watch. I am not critisizing. I mean, come on. Who am i to critisize. A fifteen year old who hasn't even taste the saltiness and the sweetness that this life has to offer. So just bear with me and this post. I told you before, i have my own view and perspective on things. I am not pick pointing on anyone. I never pick point. Its my blog and its my views and my way of saying things. The truth won't bite, really.

You see, some Malaysians(majority or minority, i really don't know) at first could never accept movies directed by Yasmin Ahmad. They say her movies are so straight forward and can and might already hurt other people's feelings and her movie is not really what real life is and this and that. If really Malaysians persive it that way, then what about other movies that so calledly are supposed to teach us something at the end of it? When actually those movies are actually encouraging the younger generation to do those things more than discouraging them. I am definitely not talking about all the movies produced by Malaysians. I'm speaking generally and open mindedly. Truthfully, i find it funny and weird when some people can actually accept those kind of movies and not movies that really teach us something.

We always think that we shouldn't follow how people from the west act, dressup, speak and such when it is already happening to us as we speak. I personally think that Malaysians should open their mind into accepting the truth and the cream of the cream of life. In other words, reality. So why do people act this way. Well i think its because they are afraid or maybe embarassed to admit the fact that whats happening to this world is really true. Some people might take movies like hers in a positive way, some might even hate it. Well, i don't know. And i can never seem to understand. Just open your minds and try accepting the truth about this life. If you think about it thoroughly, it ain't that bad at all actually.

luck is all i need

MY GOODNESS!

I forgot i still have one more day in hell to go through. Trials of course. To make matters worse. Tomorrow's HomeScience and History. What a perfect combination. Both are subject that i equally hate and dislike. I love history, but only form three's history. Wish me luck though. I think, basically that is all i need right now. Yes, luck. And then i'll be happy for two days and again back to studying. Can't wait for pmr to end. Ho my.