smiles and tears of joy.

- And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE.

lots of love, farah nadhirah.

I feel ...

so stupid. Should have known better that this was just a game from the start.

viva la vida

- Welcome to the planet.

In about two days time, we will finally meet 2010. I don't know whether I am looking forward to a brand new, refreshing year or not. Sometimes, I just wish time would stop by itself. Indirectly, this gives me the priviledge to enjoy the way things are now.

I used to love making new year resolutions. Truth be told, I do it every year. Listing down all the things that I wanna accomplish by the end of the year. Un-surprisingly, I always fail to accomplish them. Which I find completely unfortunate and unpleasant. I've been accomplishing things that I least expect would even happen to me. So, for the year 2010, NO MORE resolutions. Just go with the flow and face life as it is. No questions asked.

Random events that happened in 2009 ;

- This is not that random, I got not-so-goody-good results for my PMR.

- I've changed my thoughts about people that I know.

- I don't judge a book by its cover.

- I seldom argue. I give in a lot.

- I had a few major nervy b's.

- I've had just enough of people playing games with my heart.

- I finally know what I want in life and where I proudly stand.

- And that I am proud to be a Malaysian.

- I find is so difficult to understand people these days.

- And also the fact that, I had fun this year.

- Oh and also, I loss two kilos this year. 

Haha, lame.

I heart Rob, au revoir. 

pocket full of sunshine

Miracles happen when you least expect it.

- wish my miracle came true.

I heart Rob, bye.

how easy it would be to show me how you feel.

- So thanks for making me a fighter.

Sometimes, the things that happen to you, are the things that you least expect will happen to you. So i guess, in my case, this is obviously something that I least expect would happen. But it did, before I could try to even refrain it from happening. Even so, I am trying to deal with it with all my might. I surely do hope it'll end as soon as possible, for better or for worse. Just, make it end.

I just wonder, I keep doind the wrong things on repetition. I mean, it never ends. And by the wrong things, I mean doing and making the wrong decisions when it comes to my personal affairs. I do realise where I went wrong and what I did wrong. But I can never stop it from happening. Cause automatically it will just happen again. So I hope, this time I am not making the wrong decision. This is by far, my final straw. For now, that is. I just hope it works out and turns out well.

I heart Rob, bye. 

haven't met you yet

It lasted for only ONE night. Aren't i just LUCKY ?

I heart Rob, bye.

catching and releasing.

Okay now THIS situation is confusing. 

And it just doesn't get any better.

Wonderful.

Like NOT.

I heart Rob, bye.

whats done is done.

- I don't know but I think I may be falling for you.

My results wasn't that excellent and at the same time it wasn't bad, not at all. Alhamdulillah, I got quite good and satisfying grades. I am thankful to Allah but still I am quite disappointed with myself. But, the past is the past. And the past shall be used to make me realize how hard I have to study next year and for the years to come, too. 

Pity me, I lost my voice. And my friends find my voice awesome and funny at the same time. I do too, but it's just plain irritating. I cannot even scream. I saw Mr. Roach running pass me when I was outside. I tried to scream but I just couldn't and so I don't like it. If you know what I mean.

Okay, enough with that..

I am currently confused with your moves. Though at times, you never fail to dazzle me. But I am confused. Your actions gets weirder each passing day. And frankly, at times it just gives me a whiplash. Your actions sometimes blurs up my days. Turning it pitch dark too, sometimes. Can't you just be honest and truthful to yourself, please ?

Make your decisions. Time is running out. And the clock is ticking. And each passing minute, I get sick and tired of waiting. Like now. So, be quick. Just a simple yes or no will do. And then, I'm done.

I heart Rob, bye.

whatcha say ?

- when the roof caved in and the truth came out, I just didn't know what to do.

Currently nervous waiting for the Big Day. I guess I will feel infuriated with myself if my result slip ain't that pleasant to look at. But the past is still the past. Nothing can be done. I just have to get on with my life. 

I heart Rob, bye.

 

 

you could be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare

- All's well that ends well.

I'm having butterflies in my tummy. And I'm having cramps too. 

I feel like my tummy's about to explode. It is NOT a nice feeling.

So it's not a shocker anymore. EVERYBODY knows that PMR results will be out on December 24th which to me is such a bummer. It took me by surprise when my aunt called me up late this morning to tell me the not-so-wonderful news. I was scared for a moment there, but I amazingly recovered from the scare I had. Literally speaking, I am "quite" urr... glad ? Simply because the longer the wait the worrier I will be. So better now than never. I am trying to be as positive as I can be. Though deep down in me, I am indeniably, unconditionally and irrevocably terrified, mortified, ah you name it. I really hope Rob can sing me a lullaby. Just in case I won'tbe able to sleep soundly at night. Or even if I have a bad dream. Its like halloween in my head right now. And it's like somebody held a party and didn't even invite me and played the music just too loud til the neighbours had to call the police or something in my heart. That's just how crucial it is. Well to all PMR candidates, my beloved cousins and friends, All The Best. Hopefully, we will all do well. Me too, as well. HAHA.

I will be away. For three days. Starting from tomorrow as I will be going to the "lion-city". Just hope this is sufficient enough to take my mind of PMR. For a while that is. And later after that, I need to be mentally and yeah physically prepared for the so called big day.

Only six "short" days to go. OO. EM. GEE. And this is the part where I will be singing a sad song and I will cry and I will cry and I will not be able to sleep. Okay, I'm exaggerating.

I heart Rob, bye. See you in three days time.

 

something like a cinderella story

- I'm not surprised. Not everything lasts.

One question, do fairytales exist in this mean world we live in ? Personally, I think it does exist. But maybe it only happens to some people. How sublime if it does happen to EVERYONE. Or maybe it happens to everyone. Just maybe we don't know for sure when it's going to happen. I don't mean fairytales as in pumpkin carriages, horsemen, a handsome prince, NO not that. Okay, maybe its that too. Or maybe just having dreams of having the kind of life we want it to be. 

Ever since I was a kiddo, I've dreamt on having things that was pink, sparkly pink but everything in that dream must be pink. But come to think of it, I am glad I don't want all those now. I want everything to be colourful. Just nice, not too much and not too little. 

And I'm thinking of going to electone classes and guitar classes again. Should I ?  

I heart Rob, bye.

you think about love and you think about me

When you love someone you let the person go.

If it means you have to stalk that person.

Then it was never meant to be at the first place.

 

 

- i've never stalked you before. s'okay, i've left you a long time ago in an alley where you can never ever find a way out.

 

Ha. This is absolutely fun.

 

I heart Rob, bye.  

 

freedom is never out of style.

-Quit playing games with my heart.

You're the only guy that makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.

(cheh, taknak kalah ayat)

2009 is so near to an end. It has been quite an exciting year. Though nothing much happened. I am pleased to say I am glad 2009 has come to an end though. But gotta put in extra extra effort next year. Gotta quit playing and start studying. 

Oh, I wanna be coco chanel. Dang it, she is such an amazing lady. She inspires me. And Rob is everything to me. Haha. I want Robbbbb, pleeassseee ? Dream on farah, dream on.


If I was given a chance to make five wishes. Firstly, I would like to turn back time and study harder and re-do my PMR paper. As if. But well, a girl can still dream. Secondly, I will do whatever it takes to make both my parents proud.Thirdly, I would want to be and independent girl and never to depend on others. Fourth, I would want to travel around the world in 80 days. Last but not least, I don't think I need these five wishes to be happy. I am already happy. 

When I look back into the past, I really think I do not have any regrets with anything and everything that I have done. Even if it's the stupidest thing a person can do. Besides the PMR part. Everything happens for a reason. And whatever that has happened to me, be it about boys, school, friends, studies and other stuff, it was just meant to be that way. No strings attached. Nothing. I guess it is all just fate. 

Results are about to come out. Anytime soon. I'm praying really really hard. Really hope my 'last minute' effort paid off.

I heart Rob, good bye.

everything i can be.

- I really thought it will be real hard for me but surprisingly i couldn't care less about you anymore.

This past two weeks have been the two greatest weeks of my life. I get to spend quality time with my family. And I don't know why, everything looks really clear now. I see a bright straight road ahead of me. I don't get blurred up dreams and I don't go crying in the middle of the night thinking about how sad I am with my own issues. Everyday, things get more and more challenging but Alhamdulillah, everything is going smoothly now. I am proud to say, I am not bothered with these small itsy-bitsy problems that keep occuring in my life. 

Ah well, problems come and go. so, who cares ?

I heart Rob, au revoir.

shadows I made.

- I am not that silly girl you used to talk about anymore.

I'll make this short and simple. 

For starters, I reached Ipoh this afternoon as I am attending a course at my granny's place. And it has only been a few hours since I last saw mama but I've missed her so much already. Call me mama's girl or whatever you wanna say, I just couldn't care less. Cause really, I miss my mum ! I miss my dad ! and I miss my brother ! But okay, being here and given the priviledge to spend time with my grandparents and my dearest cousin, Amirah is just priceless. 

I have to get used to the term 'being able to stand on your own two feet and not to depend on others'. And I am trying to get the hang of being away from home. Frankly speaking I need it, I need this kind of exposure just so that I could be sure that I am able to survive on my own two feet later on in life. 

Life's been way better than great. I am blessed and I am thankful. I couldn't ask for more. And Alhamdulillah, everything seems to be fine around me. I'm taking a step at a time. Small little baby steps. For my sake.

I miss Mama, Abah and Along.

I heart Rob, goodbye.