specially dedicated to

Alia Flash/Shalala/Turner ( :

My brother deleted something that i posted the other day.
And she's upset.

hahahahaha.


Happy dahh ?



xxxx,
Faarrraahh Nk.

you got a big ego

Enough said. I have to really buck up and study harder.

I've been reading the dictionary a whole lot today.
Making me look like i'm some kind of an imbecile or more like a maniac.

Surprisingly,

I find me, reading the dictionary..


very.
very.
very.

Hard to believe.

i'm standing up and enough is enough

My life's great, lovely and fun. That i have to admit. I just need to loosen up a lil and keep my options wide open.
I know life has a lot to offer. I know that. Sometimes, i get too carried away with my thoughts that i end up crying like a pig. Let me remind you, i am paranoid. Sometimes, especially when my mind goes haywire. I know those thoughts are just transitory but i can't help but think about it until i finally get my answer. Sometimes my thoughts can be a vague feeling of sadness because sometimes it's really hard for me to accept changes that has happened in my life. These crazy thoughts usually and mainly are about friends and studies. And i still keep wondering why it dwells around them and nothing else. And that is the great part because once i've reached home, those thoughts vanishes away like a genie hiding back in its teapot.

I have to say, my mind and my heart is totally incompatible. They will never make the same decision when it comes to some issues. Weird but definitely true. I should really follow what kak billa says. I should stop scrutinizing about what people say or things that happen around me. It's better that way. I'm feeling better today. So much better today. Anyway, life's too short to dwell on all that's wrong. I'll just close my eyes and push it all away.

Who knows how to love you without being told.

scribbles here and there

Impressive ey ?
Really, Fashion is Love, people.

xxxx.

take a bow

Been reading teha's blog. And i see MU all over it. Frankly, i was never into this football thingy. I mean, i like the red devils. Just that, i wasn't the type of person who'd sacrifice my sleep just to watch a football match. I've tried doing it a few times. I'll get all excited at first, the next thing i know is that i'll hear my brother's voice waking me up asking me to go to bed as the game is pretty much over. Cool huh ? But it all changed when i went to see them when they came to Malaysia. They look so awesomely and incandescently hot. And they waved at me. Well, kak billa insists that they actually waved at her, personally. Whatever it is, i know Van der Sar did wave at me. Even Rooney, even Tosic, even Carrick, even Anderson, even Nani, even Owen, even Giggs, even Evra did. Okay, each of them did wave at me. And, i find that day outrageously symbolic. I understand football more now. I even wish that i get to see them in Old Trafford one fine day. I still don't watch their game everytime they play though. But, i always make sure i know who scored. and i make sure that i know who they're playing with next and such. That's a great achievement i suppose so. Despite it all, i can say that i am addicted to them. You know, when you feel the force of attraction between ourselves and something else. Yes, that's how i feel. I thank the reds for coming though. They really, really, really made an impact on me. WOW. A big impact that kind off made my perception on everything change. Literally. You know, i even told my parents that i want to be a sports journalist when i grow up. Their answer was simple, 'lets see how long you're going to last with this ambition of yours. you've been changing your ambition every month'. So, it's gonna be the red devils against gunners this week. Greatest luck sweetbugs.

Glory glory Man United. And the Reds go marching on, on, on !

in the end, it doesn't even matter

Holidays have just begun. I must say, it's a good thing. I get to study my butt out. And i get to rejuvenate at the same time. It has been really fun. Mama took a few days off. Spent every moment i had with my family which was fun and really great. Been spending my time studying too. I think i'm gonna post a few random things about me or whatever i can think of right now.

I can be clumsy. But still, i make sure my place or my area is neat at ALL times.
I am picky. Whenever it comes to food and buying clothes.
I can consider myself a shopaholic. When i have money that is.
When i don't, i just window shop. That's more than enough to make my day.
I am short. Surprisingly, i just realised that.
I promise never to do any new year resolutions ever again. I never follow or accomplish them by the end of every year.
I love to read. But i've stopped reading for quite some time now. Look where it got me.
I used to love the color pink so much that everything has to be in pink.
But that was years ago. I go for any color. Which ever that looks good on me.
I always sleep late but i can never seem to wake up late. I'll always wake up early. That explains the eyebags.
I don't give up easily. I am no quitter.
I am addicted to Facebook. Oh well, who cares ?
I am talkative. Very talkative. But i am shy deep within me.
I have ambitions. Too many that i get sick whenever i think about it.
I love rain. Somehow, it completes my day.
I love to write.
I am unstable. I can just wobble and trip or fall while i'm walking.

I love making new friends.
I easily get bored but i always find something beneficial to do.
I find sweet talkers sweet and adorable but i despise them a lot.
I don't really know who to trust in my life. So, i only trust my loved ones(familia).
I don't really mind with what people has got to say about me. I just keep quiet when they do. They have the right to do so anyway.
I don't hold grudges. What good does it even make ?
I think i have changed in some way or another. And i like what i've become.
I am still the ol' sensitive me. But i only get sensitive when i need to.
No one knows me well enough to judge me. No one will. That's simply because i'm hard to read and so much harder to understand. But i am never complicated. Neither am i complex. I just love twisting my words and turning it topsy turvy. haha : )
But..
At the end of everything..

I am who i am no matter what. So for that, no one can change me.

Ever.

someone special who could it be

There is this someone in my life.
That has always played a big role in my life.
Taught me how to walk, how to talk, good manners.
And everything else.
This someone used to be really strict.
But as the years went by, this someone changed a lot.
This someone is always fair and is always kind.
This someone was always been there for me whenever i needed a shoulder to cry on.
Even when i needed someone to talk to.
Or at any time this someone would always be there.
We would talk about everything.
The world, life even love.
This someone has never abandoned me.
No matter how bad i am.
Even when i am at my worst.
This someone taught me many things.
More than a teacher could offer.
More than anyone could offer.
This someone is my everything.
Nobody can ever replace this someone of mine.
No, this special very special someone of mine.
And.
This special someone is my mother.
Someone who brought me into this world.
Taught me everything i needed to know.
We always argue.
But we will just laugh about it in the end.
And so the story goes..
And i will love her til the end.
Even after the end too.

p.s : i am okay

If i was given the chance to redo my history paper, i think i would have done so much better. Not only my history paper, all the other papers too. If only, i have studied hard enough for my trials. But whats done is done. I cannot turn back time. The only thing that can be done is to just move forward. And not backwards. I've been getting a lot of advices from people around me lately. And really, i am thankful for all the advices. Really. Those advices are keeping me motivated. I have got no time to waste now. Every minute of everyday counts. And it has to be spent wisely.

School is full of boredom. Lesser people go to school everyday. Including me. But, i've spent those boring moments studying. I am not a study freak. I'm just occupying my time doing useful things.

To everyone that has helped me a lot, i don't need to say out your names, i know you know who you are. Thank you for all the advices. And thank you for everything.

I'm happy to say i'm back on track. No more unwanted pressures by people anymore. I'm in my happy place, and i'm at home. And i'm okay.

Selamat berpuasa !

Loves.

new divide

First and foremost, this will be last post for a while before my mind is back on track and my feet is back on the ground. I am devastated. My trial results was worse than what i expected. Terrible and i can say a disgrace. I broke down when my teacher personally told me my results as she herself was shocked and upset about it. I was stunt, and i was in disbelief. I couldn't think straight. I just sat and started crying at that very moment. She tried to pacify me. I was so shocked i felt my mind making its own havoc inside my head. I called mama. She was very upset but she remained calm and she kept persuading me. She told me i still have time and such. I love both my parents very much. They're the best and i am blessed. My teacher told me that 'failure is the key to success'. I'll try my very best. If i put in a lot of effort i know i'll be able to succeed. Anyway, if there is a will there is always a willy way right. Ill try. I'm the one who's gonna lose in the end if i don't try my very best. Life is like walking in a battlefield.

no surprise

I would like to make a statement.

Facebook is totally ADDICTIVE !

Should have known better. Should have realized it before i got addicted to it.

give up the fight

I was browsing through my cousin, Teha's blog a minute ago. And i saw one of her recent post about the late Yasmin Ahmad and how us, Malaysians absorb her kind of movies and malay movies we, Malaysians usually watch. I am not critisizing. I mean, come on. Who am i to critisize. A fifteen year old who hasn't even taste the saltiness and the sweetness that this life has to offer. So just bear with me and this post. I told you before, i have my own view and perspective on things. I am not pick pointing on anyone. I never pick point. Its my blog and its my views and my way of saying things. The truth won't bite, really.

You see, some Malaysians(majority or minority, i really don't know) at first could never accept movies directed by Yasmin Ahmad. They say her movies are so straight forward and can and might already hurt other people's feelings and her movie is not really what real life is and this and that. If really Malaysians persive it that way, then what about other movies that so calledly are supposed to teach us something at the end of it? When actually those movies are actually encouraging the younger generation to do those things more than discouraging them. I am definitely not talking about all the movies produced by Malaysians. I'm speaking generally and open mindedly. Truthfully, i find it funny and weird when some people can actually accept those kind of movies and not movies that really teach us something.

We always think that we shouldn't follow how people from the west act, dressup, speak and such when it is already happening to us as we speak. I personally think that Malaysians should open their mind into accepting the truth and the cream of the cream of life. In other words, reality. So why do people act this way. Well i think its because they are afraid or maybe embarassed to admit the fact that whats happening to this world is really true. Some people might take movies like hers in a positive way, some might even hate it. Well, i don't know. And i can never seem to understand. Just open your minds and try accepting the truth about this life. If you think about it thoroughly, it ain't that bad at all actually.

luck is all i need

MY GOODNESS!

I forgot i still have one more day in hell to go through. Trials of course. To make matters worse. Tomorrow's HomeScience and History. What a perfect combination. Both are subject that i equally hate and dislike. I love history, but only form three's history. Wish me luck though. I think, basically that is all i need right now. Yes, luck. And then i'll be happy for two days and again back to studying. Can't wait for pmr to end. Ho my.

you're the cheese on my macaroni

This came to my mind as soon as i woke up this morning. What love really means. I don't know. Really i do not know why it even popped into my head out of the blue. It was tough though searching for an answer since i am only fifteen and i do not even know what on earth life is all about.

So i went to school today thinking about what love really means. It did not interfere my thoughts while i was doing my exams though. Then i went home after school. Still thinking of an answer. I had lunch and yes, i was still thinking and searching for an answer. It really bothers me when i don't find an answer to my questions. Really. So i watched a movie while i was having my lunch. And suddenly, this phrase from the movie made me wonder.. Maybe, just maybe this is the answer to my question. Love is when you find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what you have, how smelly you are, when you have a bad hair day, when things go all wrong and messed up that day, however the condition and situation is, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with. Let me add some more though. Maybe love is real when you don't get bored of seeing the same person every single day, hearing out their problems day in and day out, receiving text messages from him or her everyday, arguing over the littlest things and even the biggest issue but still you'll laugh about it and say sorry and what happened before will just bear in mind and so to speak. Maybe, who knows that's what love really means. I really want to know. Growing up, i have always believed that love comes softly and naturally. You just have to wait no matter how long it takes and you need to have faith because in the end, the right one will come along.

throw up your arms into the sky

Today is the beginning of an end. Okay, literally it was. Okay, fine. Today is the beginning of my trials. Which i can say was superbly oh-god-i-am-speechless-dude. Screw that. Might as well, i think about my paper tomorrow which pretty much is much more important than today's paper which i cannot deny is equally important too but still tomorrow's paper is much more important. Oh geez, i wonder why i keep twisting my words upside down a lot lately. I really do hope that i get better grades compared to my previous examinations.

Here's a question. Do you agree with me if i say that we say we lead our own lives but truthfully and ironically sometimes, other people's life play a big role in our lives sometimes even bigger that our role of leading our own lives ? I disagree but still i can't deny the fact that sometimes it does affect our lives. Me especially. I used to want other people's life so badly that i tend to chuck mine aside and ruin it. But as i grew older and as i overcame my fears and irrational thoughts, i have come to a conclusion that pleases me and that is to live your life and cherish each and every moment you have. I mean, life's too short. Why not just live the life we want and work hard to strive and achieve what we want? Right?

I have my own view and perspective on things. I might disagree with some issues and i might agree with other issues. We have our own rights. Don't we ? We are all individuals with different minds but all with two eyes, ears, a mouth, nose, a pair of hands, legs and a body. We may or might be different by our color, race and religion. But still we are all creations of God. And. We determine our future.

Yours truly.

you don't know what you've got til it's gone

My weekends have come to an end. And finally, once and for all. This means that I cannot blog 'sesuka hati' anymore. Or online. I don't mind really. I need some time alone. Some time for myself. Some time to thing about what i really want. Its hard to make decisions. And yes, i need to study. My time is running out.

With love.

viva forever

My brother. He loves to bully me, but still i love him.

Sis Billa. My lovely cousin.

Faris:) hahaha. My cousin too.

Training day. The weather was eratic. Too hot to be true. And we came unprepared. It didnt occur to us that the weather was going to be that bad. But luckily we came with our shades. And the training passes saved our day. We used it as a fan. The day got better just as soon as we saw the players.

i'll be loving you until

I had heaps of fun today in school. Spent the whole day near the koperasi. Finally completed my anyaman rotan. HAHA. We laughed and laughed like toddlers playing in the rain. Bullied one another, in a good way of course. All in all, it was great having the opportunity to spend some quality time with them.

*will update further on later.

Loves.

headlines

-.-"

What was i thinking?
I really don't know.
Spontaneous Stunt, maybe.
HAHA.

these two, definitely are my idols.

And last but not least, *drumrolls**again and again*

Boy, isn't he just gorgeous ?
My favourite among all:)

loves:)

but i think i'll be alright

Today, while i was half-awake waiting for my mum, i was getting this flashbacks of my life. I nearly cried. Some were crazy, happy and awesome flashbacks - majority were. But a few made me wonder. Then it occured to me. That the few flashbacks that i got mainly happened because of the changes that happened to the people who were in it. You see, people use people. Some for their own benefit. Some for the joy in using others. Some because they really need too. Its just plain lethargic and gross. To me that is. I find it hard to believe that i've trusted those kind off people. But i guess, that's all in the past. I have outgrown myself. I am okay now. A year older and a year wiser than before. I look at things differently now from my own perspective and view. I don't judge or critisize others easily and blindly. I make sure i've arranged my words and than i'll put it into an acceptable phrase. At least, i try to make others happy. I am only human. I am prone into making mistakes once in a while. But still, i do think about it at times. How people can just turn your life upside down. And everytime when i try hard to find the answer, the harder it gets to find one. So now, i don't waste my time thinking anymore. It gets me no where. I just move on and sometimes still think about it. I know i will find the answer someday. I'm sure.