blame me, like you always do

I Really hope you are HAPPY and SATISFIED and OVERJOYED with your decision.

-goodbye.

L : M

I thought of keeping my fringe/bangs long. Sadly, i can't. Pn Ung's really going to catch me anytime soon. So, i need a haircut. Bummer.

Right at this very moment, i would like to say life can be characterized as misery. People change too quickly sometimes. And their changes tend to hurt others. Some may perceive changing the best thing for them to do. Well, to me some changes are good really, but don't make such big drastic changes that may make you look bad. If you really want to change, just think of the consequences you might face in the future lah. I am not pointing any fingers at anybody. This is my blog, i can write whatever i want. So, please do not feel offended. I don't mean any harm really. I am just stating the facts that are occurring around me now. I am well-aware that i have changed my self. Good or bad i don't know and its for others to judgelah. I really can't say much.

Sometimes, i cry every night befor going to bed just thinking of everything that has happened. Yes, that is life. Filled with obstacles and boundaries. Life, life, life. Why are you like so mean to me? I'm trapped in between happiness and sadness. And that is unfair. But being a normal being, i will try to stand tall. I will never show my misery. I will keep it to myself. I don't mind facing my problems alone. I've been there, and i've done it already. Part of growing up, this is how it's like. I have mama to help me. I have friends to talk to. I have people i love around me. I don't need you to ruin me. I don't need you to help me anymore. You really dissapoint me. I'm sorry. Maybe, it was my fault. I expected too much from you. And, i get heartbreaks in return. I'll get through it someway somehow. I will, i know i will.

Farah;

-why do you do this to me ?

p.s; currently listening to secondhand serenade - why.

a few things

so he finally gave me the permission to use the laptop. i am happy. i finally get to blog as there's just too many things going on in my mind now.

one of it that is, dayum i really thought that you're different. really. but turns out, you're just like one of them. you never bother. you lied. you made me fall for you. for a moment i thought i did. but turns out i didn't. and my, i am glad i didn't. i've moved on. so, goodbye. and thanks for the memories.

my grades are amusingly and surprisingly bad. real bad. i'm shocked myself. i've been down this whole week. i need to buck up, really.

thirdly, teha's coming. yeay. i've missed this woman. i wonder how she is now. different maybe. i hope not. either way, i love her still. just too much maybe.

next, i cannot use the laptop lavishly. i can only use when i need to. like now, i need to use it because i need to charge my ipod. if not, i can never touuch this laptop til PMR is over.

thanks to syakila, i am really addicted to this better together song. oo em gee.

nothing more to say. blog's getting pretty dull. will update whenever i can.
loves.

gone

I think my dad just confiscated my laptop. This all happened because i did badly for my midterms. Boy, they are such a sad thing to look at. But still, I am with abah confiscating my laptop as i reallyreally want to buck up and change myself into becoming a better person. I think the biggest thing that distracts my from studying and revising and such is my laptop. Specifically the internet. Thats the bad influence you get out of internet. It is true what they say then. They created internet, my dad bought it, gets into my hands, i use it, i get addicted to it, and i become a failure and my mind becomes an empty can. I was well-aware of that before but i did not bother to even think about the consequences i might get by using the internet too often. I had two nervous breakdowns yesterday. I nearly gave up on myself and just felt like the world was ending somehow. And my whole world came crashing down on me and i was devastated. But, i am lucky to have such supporting parents like mama and abah even along as a matter of fact to calm me down and give me the support that i need. My friends are included too. I have realised my mistakes and i ought to be a much better person in the future. I am certainly not a quitter and i never say never. I feel alot better today. But i am still down and sad and devastated with the results i got. Itll take time to recover. I'll be away for quite sometime. I will update whenever i can.

Loves.

life like this

time passes by real quick. before we know it, holidays have finally come to an end. a big final end. no more, staying up late, no more hours of chit chatting on the phone, no more waking up late, no more late night snacks, no more onlining as often as usual, no more watching soap operas, no more watching daily dramas, etc. seriously, takdalah no more of everything. i just need to cut down on almost everything i do. bummer. i'm not ready for school. i haven't completed my tuition homework. i can already see my teacher's face when she sees my empty book. i am slacking, i am well-aware of that. i will buck up. at least, i will try bucking up. i want to make myself and my parents proud. i will try, by all means i will try. i am not a quitter, yes farah you're not a quitter. so, may the past be a lesson to be learned.

- i've moved on.

a hundred truths

001. Real Name: Farah Nadhirah Binti Muhammad Khairun.
002. Nickname(s): farah, fara, farah nak, naday, kp.
003. Age: fifteen and still counting.
004. Horoscope: Aquarius.
005. Gender: Female.
006. Elementary: Q-Dees.
007. Primary school: SK USJ 2 and SKDOJ.
008. Secondary school: SMK Seafield
009. College: Haven't thought about that yet.
010. Hair colour: Brown.
011. Hair length: Medium.
012. Loud or Quiet: Both.
013. Sweats or Jeans : Jeans. It goes with everything.
014: Phone or camera: Must I choose?
015. Health Freak: It depends.
016. Drink or Smoke: No.
017. Do you have a crush on someone: Spunk Ransom.
018. Eat or Drink: Both.
019. Piercings: Yes.
020. Tattoos: No.
021. Social or Anti-social: It depends.
022. Righty or lefty: Righty.
023. First piercing: 5, maybe?
024. First relationship: hahahah.
025. First Best Friend: Aainaa.
026. First Award: Some story-telling competition.
027. First Kiss: Never.
028. First Pet: Cats.
029. First Big Vacation: This is a very sensitive issue, i must say.
030. First Love at first sight: Why are you asking me such q's?
031. First Big Birthday: 6 years of age.
032. First Surgery: 13 years of age.
033. First sport you joined: Lari dalam guni, kot.
034. Orange or Apple juice: Apple juice.
035. Rock or Rap: Both.
036. Country or Screamo: Both.
037. NSYNC or Backstreet boys: Both.
038. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera: Christina Aquilera.
039. Night or Day: Night.
040. Sun or Moon: Moon.
041. TV or Internet: Both.
042. Playstation or XboX: Playstation.
043. Kiss or hug: Both.
044. Iguana or turtle: Iguana.
045. Spider or bee: Spider.
046. Fall or spring: Fall.
047. Limewire or iTunes: iTunes.
048. Soccer or baseball: Soccer.
049. Eating: Pop tarts.
050. Drinking: Sky juice.
051. Excitement level: Varies due to mood swings and the weather.
052. I'm about to: go downstairs and eat some more.
053. Listening to: breaking benjamin - diary of jane.
054. Plan for today: Hanging out with friends.
055. Waiting for: Nothing.
056. Energy Level: 7/10.
057. Thinking of someone: Not exactly.
058. Want kids: Yes.
059. Want to get married: Yeap.
060. When: When the time comes.
061. How many kids: Isn't it like too early?
062. Any name on the mind: Still, too early.
* 063 & 064 is missing * Say what?
065. Mellow future or wild: Wild.
066. Something you would never try: Something sinful.
067. Which is the better in the girl you like(in the future): WHAATT?
068. Lips or Eyes: Eyes.
069. Romantic or Funny: Both.
070. Shorter or Taller: I feel so offended.
071. Protective or Caring: Both.
072. Romantic or Spontaneous: Both.
073. Nice Stomach or Nice Arms: Stomach.
074. Sensitive or Loud: Both.
075. Hook-up or Relationship: Relationship.
076. Trouble Maker or Hesitant: Hesitant.
077. Muscular or normal: Normal.
078. Kissed a stranger: No.
079. Broken a bone: No.
080. Lost glasses or contacts: No.
081. Ran away from home: No.
082. Held a gun/knife for self defense: Not yet.
083. Killed somebody: No.
084. Broken someone's heart: Everyone has the tendency to do so, at some point they will.
085. Had your heart broken: Yes, nothing to shout bout though.
086. Been arrested: No.
087. Cried when someone died: Yes.
088. Liked a friend more than a friend: Yes.
089. Do you believe in yourself: Yes.
090. Miracles: It happens.
* 091 is missing * Okay.
092. Heaven: Yes.
093. When do you want to die: Ask God.
094. Tooth Fairy: No.
095. Kiss on the first date: hahah.
096. Angels: Yes.
097. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now?: Yes.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you're in life now: Yes.
099. Do you believe in God: Yes, indeed.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people.
TAKNAK.

no promises

WOW. No, double wow. How people can change and make your perception about them change in just a blink of an eye. I trusted u. Yeah, i did. But u broke my trust. No, u broke my heart, yes u broke my heart. Im so fed up with my thoughts of u. And i am just so sick and tired with all this. Its the same thing again and again. Maybe, im the one to be blamed. But still, that doesn't give you the right to make me break into pieces. Lets just do it your way okay.

For now, i am done.

dot dot

Sometimes, the only thing pulling you back from being your true self, is you yourself.

- i forgot where i got this.

light up

EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

merci

This is what i do when i get bored.

Finally, this is the day where boredom strikes. how awful. but still, it was not that bad, really. had tonnes of chores to do but i had fun doing it. the teevee was switched on since i woke up, up til now. heard that TNB is going to cut our electricity supply for a few hours(five dreadful long hours, maybe) tomorrow. hence, i just have to deal with it, i guess. maybe, just maybe. i will survive. if i don't, somebody take me out. please. that was a joke, do not take it seriously.

i was thinking on getting a part time job, hmm. lets see. ookay i'm crapping, it is NEVER going to happen. not now, i mean. in the future, maybe.

by the way, i've made my up my mind on what i want to do. and truth be told, this is the best decision that i've ever made. i don't think i'll ever regret making this decision. it turned out that what i wanted to do earlier had more cons rather than pros in it. so, after a few good hours of thinking and talking and thinking and shouting here and there, i am not going. yes, i am not going. mama and abah said that they're both quite proud of me for making a good decision. but they didnt like it when i kept shouting and asking them q's and forcing them to give me a's. needless to say, i am quite amazed with myself. because. usually. it will take me months and months to make one small decision or even the tiniest gesture. maybe this will be the first and the last. no, it cant be. there are still too many decisions for me to make in the future.

i have nothing more to say. officially. my post ends here.
merci.

- is it just love or lust ?

live.life.

Holidays.
it surely is something that we look forward to each and every year. make it every day, week and month for me. adolescence including myself and adults so to speak are always overjoyed and overwhelmed, excited and so on whenever it comes to holidays. simple, its the only time for us to spend more time with ourself, family friends and acquaintances. as for me, i do love holidays as i get to rest, rest and clear my mind from unwanted thoughts and feelings, pressure, peer-pressure, school, and yes u get the whole idea. despite all the goody-goody things that i love about holidays, i always get bored as i don't know how to spend my time doing "perkara-perkara yang berfaedah". but its a whole different thing this year as i did spend the best holiday ever in my life. do not fear as i am only exaggerating. let me rephrase, it is one.of.the.best. holidays in my life. its been a week and it has been a well-spent week i must say. i spent plenty of quality time with de familia and i made new friends. with a mountain of hope and dreams, i hope that life gets better day by day.

- love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes.

New Moon

well, what do we have here.
its coming out soon and well, i cant wait.
but thing is, i'm quite unhappy as they're only releasing it on November 11th in the US.
how long after that will it take for them to release it in Malaysia then?
enough about that already.

- will update soon.

classy and fabulous

i am in the middle of a dillema where i have insufficient money
but my hands are shaky and my mind is forcing me to go out
and shop and shop. well you get the idea.
i need new pair of shoes, mines old and beat out. and.
i need a new bag. make it two new bags. make it three. no, make it four. yes, four.
and. and. and. and.
i need a new pair oh shades. one which i'll cherish and keep til i am eighteen.
i have to admit that to me,
shopping is one of life's greatest remedy.
but when the purse gets empty, than, my month is over. literally.
but mama says i'm very picky and choosy and weird when it comes to fashion.
i can change my fashion statement each time i go out.
thats the reason why i always go shopping with her.
she keeps me on track. and.
she has great taste. and.
she knows what looks good on me.
from top to bottom.
so. thank you. ma.

- In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.

it's just amazing

currently reading Goodnight, Beautiful by Dorothy Koomson. Its a nice book.
not bad, i must say. calming and just nice to occupy my time during the holidays.

its awesome when life is not just how we want it to be. when its not how we want it to be, it's just surprising waiting for the very next thing to happen. i like it when its just simple, not too sweet and not too sour. in much simpler words, moderate but just enough to make you feel good. and happy. i've learned a lot of things through out this fifteen years of my life. that life is a journey, like a moving train that has and will stop at some point. that life is never perfect and it just perfect that way. that you expect the unexpected. that people change. that there's a turning point eventually. that you dont always get what you want. that there many opportunities in life. that laughing is the best remedy in life. that being around the ones you love is the best. that there are just too many, and you just have to wait for it to come. naturally.

- mengejar mimpi:)

the 'vibe'

i still haven't got that vibe yet. too soon, perhaps. oh i dont know.
There's still a long long long long long long (yes, we get the picture) way to go in this life.
i'll wait. it'll come naturally and softly.

went out with friends on Friday.
went out with family on Saturday.
went out with family and mama later on Sunday.
went out with syakila on Monday.

nothing much to scribble about today.

- may angels hear you.